学进去

I received an email from a reader who asked, “Why do some friendships end, no matter how much you want them to last?” She referred to 1． (see) the question in one of my articles, Mystery of Friendship. As I wrote in it, I don’t think easy answers exist as to how friendships start, why some turn into lifetime 2．, and why some end. Although I’ve tried answering the first two questions in other articles (To Have A Friend and Be A Friend), I still get surprised by friendships that endure and disillusioned by those that slip away. Even so, I’ll try to offer some insights here as to why friendships end.

My simple answer is that friendships end because the situations 3． friends are in or even the friends themselves change. First, the realities friends face may change. The decision to relocate 4． a new school or job cannot help but affect a friendship. Likewise, if a friend is in an accident, develops an illness, or loses someone close, these cannot help but affect a friendship. Does a friendship need to end because of these changes? No, but it’ll require adjustments that one or both friends 5． not be willing to make.

Second, the friends themselves may change. A significant reason why friendships often end 6．friends are apart for an 7． (extend) period of time (for summer camp, college, etc.) is that one or both of the friends change. I think it 8． (hurt) less when both friends change, because then the breakup is more often mutual and so both friends get closure by both deciding to let go and move forward in their lives without each other. What tends to hurt most is when just one friend changes. One friend might change social circles, become involved in new social organizations, start to date, get a pet, or take on some other venture that consumes more time and passion. Again, a friendship can endure these changes, 9． one or both of the friends for some reason decide not to invest the time and energy involved in the adjustment period. In this situation, breakups may not be mutual and so one or both friends feel betrayed and end up with bitter memories about 10． was a precious friendship to them.