学进去

In 2020, Pink launched the World Regret Survey, the largest survey on the topic ever undertaken. With his research team, Pink asked more than 15,000 people in 105 countries, “How often do you look back on your life and wish you had done things differently?” Most of them said regret was at least an occasional part of their life. Roughly 21 percent said they felt regretful all the time. Only 1 percent said they never felt regretful.

If you are of the “no regrets” school of life, you may think that all this regret is a recipe for unhappiness. But that isn’t the case. Letting yourself be overwhelmed by regret is indeed bad for you. But going to the other extreme may be even worse. To extinguish your regrets doesn’t free you from shame or sorrow but causes you to make the same mistakes again and again. To truly get over our guilt requires that we put regret in its proper place.

Uncomfortable as it is, regret is an amazing cognitive feat. It requires that you go back to a past scene. Imagine that you acted differently to change it, and with that new scene in mind, arrive at a different present and then, compare that fictional present with the one you are experiencing in reality. Not all regrets are the same of course. Pink says they come in four basic varieties, and an instance of regret may involve just one combination.

Many connection regrets overlap (重叠) with moral regrets, which can come about after you go against your own values. For example, you may pride yourself on being a loving person, and thus regret not living up to this image in the relationship you harmed. Moral regrets can also involve just yourself. Maybe you regret not living up to your commitment to your health when you ate a whole pizza or skipped the gym.

If not analyzed and managed, any variety of regret can be harmful to your well-being. Regret is linked to depression and anxiety, and excessive regret can adversely affect your immune system. But regret doesn’t have to be put aside and ignored.