学进去

My 15-year-old boy is a high achiever. He is very bright, pursuing everything he does with devotion and determination. And he is a great kid; honest, kind, faithful and caring.

Like a lot of kids who are high achievers, he is a perfectionist and very easy to fall into anxiety. That is manifested in his study, and other things he does as well. For example, he loves tennis but he is often worried about losing in the game. Now he has to stop competing because the pressure he puts on himself is becoming unhealthy. He still plays, but playing socially rather than competitively means that it’s an outlet for him rather than a source of stress.

He does not manage stress well. He puts so much pressure on himself to the point of worrying himself sick over just about every assessment. And he gets so negative about it, everything I say to him is met with negativity, every suggestion with a response that it won’t work, and honestly it’s depressing and tiring.

To help my son, I had a patient conversation with him, and he finally followed my advice about physical exercise to ease stress. Whenever he was under a lot of pressure, I would run with him for half an bour and do some push-ups to relax the pressure. Gradually, he became less nervous in the later exams and his scores became more and more stable.

Pressure from grades and perfectionism can be really hard to manage when it comes to schooling. As kids, what they need is effective communication and sincere encouragement. So I have always told and shown my son that we’re proud of him, and that pride doesn’t merely depend on top grades.