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When your teenager has done something inappropriate or dangerous, you may need to immediately correct their behavior; however, any teaching moments you have in mind may have to wait if you want them to be effective.

The minute you start correcting your child in a forceful way, it’s likely that their defense mechanisms kick into gear and they start blocking out what you’re saying. This is normal, as it’s a way of protecting themselves when someone is saying negative things to them. The problem is, it renders you helpless to get your point across at that moment.

Looking at this from the teen’s point of view, when they recognize they’ve messed up and are upset about their behavior, it can lead to them becoming upset with themselves. It’s also possible the teen may feel the adult is overreacting and that they didn’t do anything wrong. Either of these feelings can cause them to become absorbed in their own emotions and not be open to input from the adult. As a result, they may not be in a place to hear you. That’s why no matter what you say, it may not be effective and can cause the child to become more upset and defiant, which in turn can further infuriate you.

To have more positive communication with adolescents, we have to talk with them when they’re ready to hear us. While we need to correct potentially dangerous behaviors immediately, the educational part of the discussion may need to wait. To really reach them, they have to be in a place to listen to us, which may mean waiting until the emotions have eased and you can each discuss what happened logically. That would be the time you and your child can discuss expectations and boundaries moving forward. Teens can be reasonable. It’s just tough for them to be reasonable when they’re in the midst of being taken to task and become reactive. By waiting for the emotional upset to fade, we can be more effective in talking with them, and finally having them follow behaviors that can help keep them safe.

1．What is defense mechanism according to Paragraph 2?
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2．What are the feelings that prevent children from listening to their parents?
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3．How can parents make sure their kids listen to them?
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4．Explain one skill that you use in your communication with your parents with an example. （In about 30 words）
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